Let’s be honest: judging is practically our national sport. Whether it’s Aunty across the street wondering why you’re home at 11:00 PM or us silently critiquing a friend’s questionable choice of a neon-green kurta, our brains are constantly running an old fashioned review process where everyone is getting a low score.

But here’s the thing—judging is exhausting. It’s like carrying around a heavy backpack of everyone else’s business. If you want to trade that weight for a bit of peace (and maybe better karma), it’s time to dial down the Judgmental energy. Here’s how to be a little more accepting and reasonable.

Imagine eating your favourite fried snack. Would you ever recommend it or otherwise by simply looking at the outer cover? Or will you dig in, savour the food and then take a call? When we judge, we only see the crispy outer layer. We have no idea what’s in the filling! That person who cut you off in traffic might be rushing to the hospital, and the cousin who hasn’t called in months might be struggling with a massive workload. Before you roll your eyes, tell yourself a “kind story.” Instead of thinking, “They’re so rude,” try, “Maybe they’re having a really tough day.” It doesn’t matter if you’re right; it just stops your brain from spiralling into negativity.

We usually judge others for things we are insecure about ourselves. Notice how we often judge the person who is “too loud” or “too ambitious”? Sometimes, it’s because we’ve been told all our lives to stay quiet or play it safe. Next time you feel a “How-could-they!” moment coming on, pause. Ask yourself: “Why does this bother me so much?” Usually, the answer says more about you than them. It’s like looking into a mirror—sometimes the smudge is on your own glasses, not the other person’s face.

The moment we judge, we stop learning. We close the book before reading the chapter. Curiosity is the ultimate kryptonite for judgment. Swap your “judgmental statement” for a “curious question.” Instead of saying, “Why would they marry him?”, try wondering, “What do they see in each other that I don’t see?” Turning a period into a question mark opens up your heart.

In our Indian society,  we live in a beautiful, messy mixture of cultures, opinions, and fashion choices. If everyone acted exactly like us, life would be as boring as a wedding without that spicy Chaat counter!. Differences are flavours! Try to find one thing to appreciate in the person you’re judging. Maybe that “annoying” co-worker is actually incredibly punctual, or that “over-the-top” neighbour is the first one to help during a power cut.

The harshest judge we know usually lives right between our own ears. If you’re constantly beating yourself up for a small mistake, you’ll naturally do the same to others. Give yourself some breathing room. When you mess up, talk to yourself like you’d talk to your best friend over a hot cup of chai. Once you become more forgiving of your own flaws, you’ll find it much easier to let others off the hook too.

At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to navigate this crazy, beautiful life. So, the next time you’re tempted to pass a verdict, remind yourself to ask these 3 questions:

1. Are my words true?
2. Are my words necessary?
3. Are my words kind?

This will definitely help you be more human and less judgemental.