Toxic positivity is the act of avoiding, suppressing or completely rejecting any negative feelings or emotions. Toxic positivity also encapsulates denying unhappy or negative feelings in others. It is quite difficult to set aside emotions of a certain category for any time. But then there are so many people we come across in life who are simply upbeat about everything, every occurrence, no matter how dire or heart-wrenching it is.

Toxic positivity shows up in a person in subtle sentences and behaviours. There have been countless times when we hear others say to us or we tell people in distress to simply ‘be positive’, ‘everything happens for a reason’, ‘look at the bright side of life’ after a devastating loss or even mindlessly brushing away someone’s concerns by saying ‘it could have been worse’. Labeling people who appear happy all the time as strong, stable and more likable is also a way of being toxic positive.

The real issue of toxic positivity is that it imposes being happy as the only solution to any crisis. This happiness may not be felt from within the heart but is manufactured simply as a response. This approach denies the person the sheer luxury of feeling the rainbow of emotions our mind and heart can produce.

So how can we tackle the compulsion of this toxic behaviour? The answer lies in being optimistic. We must cultivate a mindset of being able to express and experience all emotions of sadness, grief, hatred, defeat, prejudice, and anger. Because the beauty of human life is in simply being aware of the wide range of emotions we are born with.
Toxic positivity as a mindset or behaviour pattern does not allow the acknowledgement of any other emotions, least of all any negative emotion. Research conducted by the American Psychiatric Association in 2020 suggested that people who feel compelled to smile and be positive in the face of tremendous adversity are products of trauma arising in childhood. This behaviour acts as a protective shield for the moment and ends up creating a mess in the minds of adults.

Toxic positivity is seen in relationships as well. We tell without a second thought or are told to ‘stop whining’ or ‘be grateful for whatever you have, wherever you are’ or ‘toughen up, these things happen’. This kind of verbal exchange often takes the emphasis away from what the partner is feeling at the moment as the feelings remain unvalidated. There is an unnecessary burden of being positive, instead of making space for the partner to be vulnerable and find comfort in the relationship. Wherever there is a free flow of honest and vulnerable communication, bonds of relationship become stronger. In this manner, there is no place for toxic positivity.

Conversely, people with toxic positivity are seen in workplaces also. While having a positive outlook and upbeat attitude in the workplace can enhance productivity and boost performance, it is equally important to tone down and be real when needed. There are times when brainstorming while talking about a potential problem is the only way to bring forward a solution. Similarly, having an open mind about giving and receiving constructive feedback is one of the surest ways to promote effectiveness and efficiency at a job.

Feelings of negativity are common. Bursts of positivity are also common. The best way to deal with the waves of emotions is to allow each emotion to come, to feel it truly and deeply. We must acknowledge that nothing is permanent.

For the ones seeking help with this behaviour, it is important to note that toxic positivity only describes a pattern and not an official diagnosis. There are trained professionals who can help with guidance and charting a route towards healthy expression of emotions. Eventually, we will know and understand that it is all a flow, we simply must learn to flow with it.