In any game where there are two teams involved, there is a need of keeping scores as the idea is to always have more points than your opponent. Let me ask you, do you think this works in relationships?
The answer is a BIG NO.
Relationships are not like measuring cups where every action is measured and accordingly you take the next step. We often look at it as though if X did this for me, then I will do this in return, but have you given a thought to how long will this kind of a relationship last? Unfortunately when relationships are based on this mechanism, it has an expiry date. Even when it comes to gifting people, we always go back to thinking about what did he/she give us on our birthday and accordingly we plan what to give them. Can we not change this and rather think about the person and give them what we can afford but not keep in mind what they had given us. This has been a mentality for years and its time we change this.
Often I have seen in intimate relationships it starts with no score keeping but in some cases it ends up where both parties act like referees. How come this is the case? Are we afraid to give more? Or are we copying the other person? Or is this out of habit? Or is it just the way we are made to think? If we are trying to do the same thing as the other person did, which is against your will and doesn’t align with you, are we not giving our power away? Give it a thought. Would you want them to be in control of your actions or would you like to be free and do what you feel is the best for you? When score keeping becomes an integral part of any relationship, it more so becomes like a transaction and the love slowly starts dissipating.
Don’t be at the mercy of the other person or society, but rather be true to who you are. If you do something more for someone, and if they didn’t do that for you, it doesn’t say anything about you except for the fact that you held true to yourself despite of the externals. We have this idea in our head that the other person may not think very highly of us, but in your heart you know why you did what you did, so no explanations required.
By maintaining AWARENESS these patterns can be changed. A step before that would be ACCEPTANCE, along with a will to change it moving forward for the better. Relationships are meant to blossom, flourish, grow, satisfy, fulfill, support, and many more things rather than keeping score. Yes there is give and take but there is no room for Tit for Tat.
